In His Eyes
by SlightlyUnconventionalRedhead
Summary: I hated the end of The Sweet Far Thing, so I am making the ending a little better, but keeping to same outcome. Please review. Note: I do not own these charcters, they belong to Libba Bray.
1. Our love

This is my first attempt at a fanfiction, so please review it and give me any ideas, I want feed back

**This is my first attempt at a fan fiction, so please review it and give me any ideas, I want feed back.**

**This takes the place of the scene in chapter sixty in The Sweet Far Thing, where Kartik is in Gemma's room with her. It is changed so that Mrs. Jones does not knock on the door at all and the parcel is given to Gemma later in the morning. Gemma goes to meet Kartik and they go back to Gemma's room and things start to heat up. Enjoy.**

I sat there in the bed for god knows how long after everyone was either in bed or away doing what they were doing. It is quiet, too quiet. I feel like I'm going to go insane. I get up and go to my window hoping Kartik would be waiting outside the window, but he has chosen to leave me alone this night. I look out into the darkness; I see only one source of light the flickering of a candle in a window down the road.

"I have to get out of here,' I say to myself.

I walk to my wardrobe and put on my cloak and walk quietly back to the window, it is low enough for me to climb down from. I free my hair from its bun at the nape of my neck, my golden curls fall around my pale white shoulders. I put my legs over the ledge of the window and grope for the vines. When my fingers catch one thick enough, I am on my way. It is dreadfully hard to do in a corset, but I will manage.

I look around; it is so quiet save for the faint sound of the leaves on the trees. I slowly make my way through the grounds, because there is no moon it takes longer than I anticipated. I make it to the edge of the woods on the property and I take a cautious step in and continue on my way. it is even quieter in here except for my shallow breaths and my muffled footsteps. A branch in front of me snaps with a loud crack, stopping me dead in my tracks. I do not know what is in front of me, and my breaths become even more shallow and quieted. Slowly a figure starts toward me, I turn to run, but a hand snakes around my wrist.

"Out of bed so late Miss Doyle," that familiar voice questions from the darkness.

"Kartik," I exclaim.

He holds his arms out to me, when I reach him, his strong powerful arms are around me and he spins the both of us around several times slowly from the force of my running to him. I laugh, and he stops and places my feet firmly back on the ground.

"I did not think I would see you tonight," I say.

"Why," he asks.

"Well," I start, but I can't seem to find a reason.

_I can't keep babbling like this, it is a horrible thing to be bringing up._

"I thought that maybe you had gone home, "I say.

"I don't have a home he says curtly.

"You do so," I say.

"Where then, Gemma" He asks.

"Here," I say placing my hand over my heart.

He smiles down at me. I know I should not be here with him, but I truly do not care what society thinks anymore. What would they say about me if they knew the truth?

"That is the most loving thing anyone has said to me since before I left for the Rakshana," he whispers.

"Well its the truth," I reply.

"Why are you here," he asks quietly.

"I might ask you the same thing, it was so quiet and I just had to get out for a while. I was hoping that you would be out and about," I say blushing.

I have not realized until now that we have not broken our embrace, only a breath apart. Our foreheads barely touching. I want him to touch me, to hold me, to tell me that everything is going to be alright. _Kiss me._ I think silently. We just stand there in each other's embrace.

"Well," he sighs.

"Yes," I say._ Kiss me._

We stand there still not moving. As if he has read my mind, his lips are on mine. His hand is around my waist keeping me there, from falling. The other tangled in my fiery curls. I don't pull away, but instead wrap my arms around his neck. I feel a rush of excitement go through my body. Kartik's touch is like wild fire, intoxicating, I never want him to stop. I've never felt this way before. We break apart from this passion, completely out of breath. Panting I stand there, looking at him.

"I…I," he whispers.

Before he can say anything, I've pulled him into another embrace. This time it is simple, less fierce, but still full of something, I do not yet know. I've never known Kartik to show this kind of outward tenderness. _Why an I doing this to him? Why am I teasing him so? I know we cannot be together, but this is what we want._ Before I realize it I have tears streaking my rosy cheeks, I've broken away from the kiss.

"What is it," he asks.

"Its not you, its me," I say through my tears.

"What on earth could be wrong with you," he asks with a slight chuckle in his voice.

"My mother and grandmother have raised me to be such a proper lady and look at me. I have vision and can go to a completely different realm. I've become such a disappointment," I say.

"You are not a disappointment, Gemma. Your mother was teaching you to carry a façade," he replies pulling me into a friendly embrace.

"What are we going to do," I ask.

"About what," he asks.

"About this…about us," I say.

"Let's not worry about that now," he says.

"I have to worry about it, Kartik," I say.

"Gemma, there is something I have to tell you," He says

_Here it comes, he is leaving me. _

"I…I…I love you," he stammers through the words, but it does not matter, he has said them.

"What," I question.

"I love you," he says again.

"You love me," I say repeating him.

"I always have," he replies.

"How can anyone love me," I ask him.

"Like this," he says and he pulls me into a deep kiss, my stomach drops through my feet and I know what he says is true, but I still doubt it.

"No one can love someone as tragic as I am," I say.

I'm rambling but it feels good.

"I've lost everything, my mother, my father is going, and my brother can't stand to look at me. I'm the strangest person anyone could meet. I do not see how anyone could love me, "I say.

"I love you for the way you are. I love you because you are different; I love every freckle, every curl, and your green eyes. Gemma I love everything about you," he says.

"You do," I ask.

He looks into my green eyes with he deep, rich brown ones and I can see the answer for myself, there is no need to even ask.

"I do," he says.

I've never had anyone tell me such a truth, that I almost doubt me ears. I had never expected Kartik of all people to say such a thing to me, to be so open with me. I feel a tingle run through me, a thrill I have never felt. I want his touch more than anything I have ever wanted before, more than the magic running through my veins. I could have him do whatever I please, but I want him to decide what happens and not to be influenced by the magic. To want me for me.

He takes my hand and pulls me into him and wraps his arm around my waist. Instead of pulling me into another embrace like I had expected him to, I start to walk toward the house. It is silent save for the rustling of the trees; it is like a ghostly solemn song. An omen in the air of change, something is going to happen to us and it will change us forever.

"Where are we going," he asks.

"Somewhere we can be alone, without being disturbed," I reply.

This sends a girlish blush up my cheeks. It is terribly unladylike for me to say such a thing and to be here with him. But I welcome the thoughts of what is to come. I stop short of the house and lightly kiss him on his lush lips only to find him kissing me back. As we walk to the area below my window, I cast a spell so that no one will hear us. _Let everyone who lives in this house or who is near it sleep soundly and not hear a peep or notice anything unusual._ I use the magic again and we are instantly inside of my room, I lock the door.

"Are you sure that this is what you want," he asks.

I take a moment to ponder this, what these actions will mean. _Don't do it Gemma, you have a reputation to think of. Gemma this could ruin you, what if you are discovered?_ I find myself not caring about reputations, or being caught.

"Yes," I whisper as I pull him into an embrace that may end up ending in a disaster.

I kiss him passionately and wildly. He pulls me close to him, my bosom only a whisper away from his half bared chest. I can feel his chest move with each breath. I want him to touch me, to hold me, to make me his, to take me. I gasp, but do not pull away, but draw myself in closer.

"You're sure this is what you want," he asks again.

"Oh, yes," I whisper.

I do not seem to care about the consequences of the actions we are about to make. To me this is about now. Kartik kisses me once more and the magic stirs in me, but is this the magic or something else awaking inside of me? He pulls me closer still, his hand tangles in my curls. I feel as though I could melt into him, he takes off cloak that I wore and tosses it aside, along with his. He slowly reaches down the length of my back an undoes the stays of my corset and I feel it drop to my feet and I feel freed. He slowly lowers me onto my bed, and I welcome his weight on top of me. The air rushes out of my lungs. I breathe in deeply not knowing what is going to happen. I take his shirt off and he bends to kiss me, I gasp at the feel of his bare chest touch my thin chemise. I reach up for him groping his shoulders. I kiss him again this time I take my time exploring his mouth, the sweet smell of scorched cinnamon fills the air.

He moves to kiss my neck, my shoulders, and my breasts through the thin batiste of my chemise. His hands move along my body feverishly. He cups my breast and gently circles his thumb there until he has rubbed it to complete bliss. His free hand slides down the side of my body; he catches the hem of my long chemise and kisses me deeply as he slowly pulls the hem up over my body like a whisper on my skin. It sends a strange new feeling I have never felt before, lust, desire, but I thoroughly enjoy it, and I embrace it. He stops just below my hips, and I look at him with of absolute need, a look of encouragement.

He continues to pull the chemise up I shudder at the sudden coldness on my body, and the pleasure of being this way. I lay there completely exposed, to a man as I never have been before. _I want this._

"You're beautiful," he whispers as he looks down upon my naked body, he kisses me deeply and I moan in delight.

I slowly reach for the drawstring of his pants and undo it. I slide the pants down, and he is as bare as I am. The place where most women are the most scared of in marriage is in their husband's bed, seems the most welcoming to me. Though Kartik is not my husband, something tells me that this is how it should be and the magic soars through me in another wave.

I see a part of him that makes me blush slightly, but I just have to look into Kartik's eyes and I know that it will be alright bring him close to me, our bodies as one. I never want this feeling to sop.

"You're sure this is what you want," he asks one last time.

"Yes," I say breathlessly.

In one gentle but swift movement Kartik takes the one thing I have to give, my virtue. It does not seem lost as all the women say, but found, something awakening inside of me, a new freedom. We make love; it is not vigorous, but gentle, loving. It is the most wonderful feeling I have ever felt. I feel something change inside of me and am glad to have shared this with Kartik and no other man, this gift.

When we are exhausted we lay there in each other's arms in the darkness. Holding onto this moment is what we are trying to do.

As we lay there Kartik's fingers graze my shoulders as he whispers tender thoughts of the future in my ear. He is in the middle of saying something, when he stops and his eyes go wide.

"What is it, what is wrong," I ask sitting up.

"You still have the magic in you," he says.

"Yes," I say.

"This may be worse than I thought it could be," he says.

"What do you mean," I ask.

"We have created a bond between one another," he replies.

"What are you talking about," I ask.

"We…we…we've made a bond. When a high priestess of the Order and a member of the Rakshana…make love they form a bond. Through love, life, death and dreams we are bound. It does not mean that if one of us dies that the other will follow, but the other will feel it for the rest of their life, like a piece of them eternally missing. We can communicate through dreams and visions, we have chosen an unexpected fate, a true love bond, there is nothing to do to stop it and there is no way to take it back. We have to live with it. We've chosen our destinies,' he says with a sigh.

"How do you know this," I ask.

"The Rakshana are taught about all of the old customs and the new. I did not realize what we had done until it was too late," he says.

I look at him with a decent understanding of what he is saying. _Bound forever, Gemma. That does not sound too bad. I think that I can live with seeing Kartik for the rest of my days._

"I understand, but what does this mean," I ask.

"We go on living as best we can," he replies.

"I think we can do that," I say.

"Promise me that whatever happens, that you will live your life to the fullest, as you always wanted. Do the things that you have always been forbidden to do, and more. Don't let them take that from you. Gemma, you have too much going for you to just quit if something should happen that is irreversible. Don't let them break you like a horse. Promise me this one thing and your love," he says.

"I promise," I say.

With that he kisses me and wraps his arms around me. We fall asleep in each other's arms, where I fin d it to be the most welcoming place I have ever known, I want to stay here forever.

When I wake the sun is shining through the window in streaks. I roll over to find that Kartik is gone. _Did I dream all of last night?_ I look under the cover, I'm in my nightgown but it is horribly rumpled and there is a small red stain on the front. _No it was not a dream Gemma; you really gave yourself to him. Something feels gone inside of me and is filled by something far greater. _

I sit up and look around; Kartik has put the room to as it was before. I walk to the basin to wash my face and I find a small piece of paper, in Kartik's hand _I love you. _

_I wanted this more than anything and I got it. It was with Kartik and not some man I do not love, and that is all that matters. I can deal with anything else that comes up; Kartik is what matters to me. _I feel the magic stir inside me, differently though. _Was Kartik right about the bind? Have we gotten ourselves into something we cannot stop? What is this bind?_ The magic silences my mind and I know that whatever it is, it is going to be fine, no matter what happens or how it happens, it is going to be fine. _The previous priestesses coped with the same predicaments and overcame them, so can I. _I get dressed and get ready to go about my day, feeling rather jovial, and at peace with myself and the world around me.


	2. The truth behind our love

**As I said before, I did not like the way The Sweet Far Thing ended, so I changed a scene to allow for a slightly different change in the end. It still has the same outcome, but with one slight change.**

**The beginning of the last part of chapter seventy- five is exactly as it appears in the book, but I have added some details that occur from the previous alteration in chapter sixty. Enjoy.**

When I dream, I dream of him.

For several nights now he's come to me, waving from a distance shore as if he's been waiting patiently for me to arrive. He doesn't utter word, but his smile says everything. _How are you? I've missed you. Yes, all is well. Don't worry._

Where he stands the trees are in full bloom, brilliant with flowers of every color imaginable. Parts of the ground are still scorched and rocky. There are hard, bald patches where nothing may ever grow again. It is hard to tell. But in other spots, tiny green shoots struggle their way up. Rich black dirt smoothes over the surface of things. The earth heals itself.

Kartik takes a stick and digs in the soft, new soil. He's making something but I cannot tell what it is yet. The clouds shift. Shafts of sunlight peek through, and now I can see what he has drawn. It is a symbol: two hands interlocked, surrounded by a perfect, unbroken circle. Love. The day is breaking free. It bathes everything in a fierce light. Kartik is fading from view.

_No,_ I call. _Come back_

_I'm here, _he says.

But I can't see. It's too bright.

_You can't hold back the light, Gemma. I'm here. Trust me. _

The water washes over the riverbank, erasing the edges till there's nothing. But I saw it. I know it's there. And when I wake, the room is white with the morning sun. The light is so bright it hurts my eyes. But I don't dare close them. I won't. instead, I try to adjust to the dawn, letting the tears fall where they may, because it is morning, it is morning, and there is so much to see.

_I love you, _his voice whispers to me.

_I know._

_You'll always have a part of me, _he says.

_How?_

All of the sudden I feel the slightest pressure on my stomach, like that of a hand and I know what he means. Tears form in my eyes.

_Don't cry, _he whispers.

_Thank you._

_It was all for love, _he replies.

_Love. I'll love you for ever, Kartik._

_I know, its time Gemma, _he says.

I sit there not knowing what to do, _I'm pregnant… I'm pregnant. _I know that it will be difficult, but I welcome the thought. I'll always have part of him. I have his child. This thought brings a fresh wave of tears, but they are one of happiness not sorrow. I put my hand gently where this life is, this child that will never know her father. A father who gave everything to protect us. _Perhaps he knew, maybe that is why he sacrificed himself. I can't imagine how he knew, but it feels safe to think that he did, it makes it easier to grieve and to carry this child knowing how much he really loved me._ I have to move on and live life, perhaps one day I shall go back to India and have the baby there as it should be, life is easier there, less strict. _Yes, perhaps India._ For now I must stay here and start again, in hope maybe somehow, just somehow I will see him again.


	3. Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again

**Three years after "In His Eyes", Gemma travels to realms one more time with her daughter, Kartik's daughter. This is crossed with the song "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" from Phantom of the Opera.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters; they belong solely to Libba Bray. The song belongs to Andrew Lloyd Webber. **

I enter the realms with her three year old daughter at her side. _I want to bring her here; I want her to see what kind of power she will have. _I allow her to play, near the river with a small bunny. I beckon her to come and walk with me.

You were once  
my one companion . . .  
you were all  
that mattered . . .  
You were once  
a friend and father -  
then my world  
was shattered . . .

I walk along toward the Winterlands.

Wishing you were  
somehow here again . . .  
wishing you were  
somehow near . . .  
Sometimes it seemed  
if I just dreamed,  
somehow you would  
be here . . .

Wishing I could  
hear your voice again . . .  
knowing that I  
never would . . .  
Dreaming of you  
won't help me to do  
all that you dreamed  
I could . . .

I walk along further, and check behind me to see if she is still following close behind. It is no longer destroyed here, but slowly rejuvenating itself, to its former glory.

Passing bells  
and sculpted angels,  
cold and monumental,  
seem, for you,  
the wrong companions -  
you were warm and gentle . . .

Then I see it, the Tree of All Souls. And my heart swells. Out of joy and sorrow. She'll never know her father and that is what saddens me. 

Too many years  
fighting back tears . . .  
Why can't the past  
just die . . .?

Wishing you were  
somehow here again . . .  
knowing we must  
say goodbye . . .  
Try to forgive . . .  
teach me to live . . .  
give me the strength  
to try . . .

No more memories,  
no more silent tears . . .  
No more gazing across  
the wasted years . . .  
Help me say goodbye

I reach out her hand to the tree, to Kartik. A tear escapes down my freckled cheek.

Help me say goodbye.

My daughter runs up to me carrying a small lily of the valley, she stops just short of me and stares at the tree. I turn around a pick her up. She looks at the tree with an understanding I had hoped she would understand.She places her hand on the tree, on her father. This brings a surge of emotions in me, I had not expected.

"It is time to say goodbye, Mahima," I say.

Mahima looks at me knowingly. I conjure the door of light one last time; _I will not come back to this place. Not until it is my final trip, when I die._ I truly say goodbye to the realms and to Kartik though I know he will be in my dreams. I am ready to live my life for myself and my daughter.


End file.
